Have you ever had an ‘off’ day where you just don’t feel right? To remedy that feeling, you may call a friend or two and spend time with them. I bet you felt much better after hanging out with people you care about. But why does this happen? How do friends change an unhappy day into a good day? I noticed an absence of friendships when I was at university away from my family and friends for the first time. I didn’t live in the dorms because my grandparents lived close by, so I opted to live with them. Because of this, it was difficult to meet new people, so I did something to combat my loneliness. I found an intramural soccer league, even though I’d never played soccer and I met new people and was able to make new friends. These friendships and connections increased my overall positive association with going to college and with the university. This is why connections are so powerful. Ever since then, I’ve made an effort to stay connected with my friends. One of the longest studies in history proved that Staying Connected to our friends and family is incredibly important to our well-being. This study, called the Harvard Study of Adult Development, began in 1938 and is still going on today. When it began, it had 724 participants, today there are still 60 men remaining, all in their 90s. These men are from various economic backgrounds - some are from poor areas in Boston and others are Harvard graduates. Over the decades, researchers interviewed these men and their families about their lives. They found a direct association between happiness and close relationships. The men that were close with their family and friends were happier and expressed a higher quality of life. The researchers found that connections with close, personal friends were mood boosters. On the other end of the spectrum, they discovered that isolation acted as a mood destabilizer. Men who engaged in positive, healthy relationships felt happier, and those who felt isolated or participated in negative relationships described their lives as unhappy. This Harvard study is one of the best-documented studies in history. It reminds us to think about our own lives and relationships, and think ‘am I making the time for close, positive relationships with family and friends?’ If we’re not, it may be more difficult to achieve happiness in our lives. If this is the case, how do we stay better connected? And to take this one step further, how do we connect with good people? If you’re an extrovert, you may think, staying connected is easy! But many people reading this probably identify as introverted, including me, and because of this staying connected takes a bit more work. I love spending time alone, but I know that if it’s too much time, I start to feel isolated. So for the sake of practicality, let’s talk about the steps you can take to find good friends and keep them. The first thing you can do is assess the people you currently have in your life and see if there are any relationships that could be strengthened. Are there family members or friends that when you see them, you think ‘I always feel better when I’m with that person, I should hang out with them more?' To further explain this, I’m going to use an analogy involving fruits and vegetables. Everyone knows that they’re good for us and we should try to eat them often. We may have them available at our house or grocery store, but if we never eat them, it doesn’t benefit our health. It’s the same for people. We may have some really great people in our lives, but if we don’t make an effort to connect with them, we can’t reap the benefits of that relationship. It’s important to reach out and stay connected because it’s good for the soul. This does take effort and time - we must call our friends, find time to get together, or maybe even go on vacation with them. There’s one thing that is important to think about when you start this process - these friends must be people who bring happiness to your life, not take it away. There’s a noticeable difference in our bodies when we eat fried food versus when we eat fruits and veggies. After we eat the latter, we feel better. The same thing should apply to our friends. They must be people who make us feel good. Over the years, I have learned to prioritize my friends and family who have a positive influence on me. I enjoy making the effort and dedicating the time because I get a great deal of happiness from spending time with them. As we begin reaching out to these people, it might be helpful to assess how you come across to the people in your life. We not only want to find positive people to enrich our lives, but we want to be a positive influence for the people we care about as well. If we’re always a downer, people may not want to spend time with us anymore. After we’ve reached out to the people already in our lives, it’s time to widen the net. The best way we can do this is by doing things that we’re passionate about and meeting friends with similar interests. For example, I met one of my best friends at a hiking club event many years ago. We were out hiking and him and I connected immediately. We started spending time together outside of the group, which only further strengthened our friendship. He has moved since then, but we still dedicate time to see each other many times a year and speak to each other often. Another way I’ve cultivated relationships is through my love of meditation. I used to hold meditation groups in my home and have since moved these events to my office in Newport. Through these events, I’ve met some great friends who are just as passionate about meditation as I am. According to the Harvard study, staying connected to our friends is a key factor in our happiness. If we don’t have people in our lives already that we can call friends, we can find groups or activities that appeal to us and find people with similar interests. At these groups, we might have to take a risk and ask someone we connect with to hang out outside of the group by asking them to lunch or coffee. It can feel scary to put yourself out there, but most people enjoy forming new connections too! And we can remind ourselves that the risk will be worth the reward because good friends increase our well-being and happiness. I want to add one thing that the study did not mention - animals! Our pets can be some of the best friends we’ll ever have. It’s important to state that they shouldn’t be the only friend or interaction we have, but they are also very important to our happiness. They provide comfort and nourish our souls, just like people. Pets may also help us find connections with people. Let’s say for example you’re out walking your dog or you bring them to a dog park. You may meet someone who is also out with their dog. It’s easy to strike up a conversation with someone who has similar interests to you, and in this case, it’s dogs. Remember the lady and the tramp? It’s about two owners who each have a dog, and the dogs fall in love with each other and so do the owners! As we journey through life, it’s easy to forget the importance of friendships and family. And even if we do maintain our relationships, because of impermanence and how life changes people’s circumstances, we need to make sure we make space for new friends too. If we develop and practice this muscle of understanding the importance of friendships and relationships, then we’ll always make time for that, and our lives will continue to be enriched by the connections we maintain and the ones that we grow.